| whoa, im over here!! |
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| 04:41pm 17/06/2004 |
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hey, remember how cool it was when you were a kid to stick your fingers in the paste and then the glue dry and then peel off the dried paste like it was a second skin?
man, little kids are weird.
hmm, i wonder where i put my paste... |
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| eff this. |
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| 09:45am 03/05/2004 |
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eff this forever.
its time to forget it all
and be something new.
maybe you wont even know me in four months time. |
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| let the dizziness prevail. |
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| 05:16am 06/03/2004 |
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i used to wish my name was alice because then i would be associated with my very own wonderland. i was like six. it wasnt until a few years later that i realized most would associate it with the house cleaning maid of the brady bunch.
after that i wished my name was stacey. im not sure why. probably because when teachers or people in general couldnt remember my name, theyd always guess stacey. i dont even look like a stacey. i never had big peacock late eighties bangs. forgive me, i did wear the occasional neon green and white pokadoted skirt/shirt outfit, but i was eight! and really, who wasnt jealous of that outfit? i was jealous because it was so cool, and it was MY outfit!!
when i was fed up with stacey, i wanted people to call me lyn. third grade and i single handedly retaught my entire class to refer to me as lyn. maybe this is why some of my closer california friends still call me that. with those exceptions, lyn only lasted until the end of the year.
dont know why i found it imperative to write this at five in the morning. sometimes you just have to autobiography to avoid...auto...living?
yes. autoliving.
(im genious). |
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| think i'll post here. |
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| 01:37am 01/03/2004 |
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Mustangman1968s: i know, but thats why i dont understand. you want more than anyting to get out, and at the mere thought of accomplishing that you get scared
Chaos is come: its easy to stay.
Chaos is come: its hard to leave.
Chaos is come: what if i fail there too?
Chaos is come: what if im going for the wrong reasons?
Mustangman1968s: pleasing to leave, destructive to stay, dont worry about what if, have confidence in yourself.
Mustangman1968s: unhappiness will never be a wrong reason
---
best reassuring advice yet. thanks davebrown. |
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| third times a charm. |
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| 10:23am 19/02/2004 |
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i havent been a big script updater because ive started it and restarted it three times now. but i think i finally have it right...it starts with the same three anecdotes of the girl lying. if you dont remember them, scroll back on my journal six or seven entries and reread them. its worth it, i promise.
( again, feedback is always welcome. ) |
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| do you like apples? |
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| 05:02am 14/02/2004 |
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dear valentines day,
i will work you from 5:30 am until 1 pm and then go back and work you from 4 pm until 11 pm. fifteen hoursish sounds about right for a day like today. i will work on a few hours of sleep for the second night in a row. my new light bulbs are 100 watt each and my room is now as bright as the sun. its confusing when i get up and my lights blind me. although, valentines day, im sure there is little you can do to help with this. maybe if you could just cease to exist as a contrived, unoriginal holiday, id feel better. i even got a valentine present and my mom is sending me flowers today. so its not even jealousy of others good fortune on this day.
how do you like them apples?
sincerely, lyndsi vance. |
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| 08:51am 08/02/2004 |
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this is hysterical because neither of my parents watch football. also, i was recently called an elitist. and like ive said before quizzes are like tv and t shirts. they never lie. |
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| 11:17pm 04/02/2004 |
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 Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Gregariousness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Assertiveness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Activity Level | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Excitement-Seeking | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Enthusiasm | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Extroversion | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 72% | | Trust | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Morality | ||||||||| | 30% | | Altruism | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Cooperation | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Modesty | ||||||||| | 22% | | Sympathy | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Friendliness | ||||||||||||||| | 44% | | Competence | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Neatness | ||||||||| | 22% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||| | 30% | | Achievement | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Self-Discipline | ||||||||| | 30% | | Cautiousness | |||||| | 18% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||| | 36% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Anger | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Depression | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Self-Consciousness | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Impulsiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Vulnerability | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Emotional Stability | |||||||||||| | 40% | | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Artistic Interests | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Emotionality | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Adventurousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Intellect | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Liberalism | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Openmindedness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Testhmm...im not very cautious or neat or modest. meh. |
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| 12:21pm 04/02/2004 |
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my tylinka refuses to play beautiful music. it must be broken...
stupid copper pipe |
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| slayer of the vampires. |
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| 08:40pm 28/01/2004 |
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seriously. andrew is the best character buffy/angel.
joss whedon is brilliant. |
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| 04:09pm 27/01/2004 |
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watch out. my journal layout is different and now better than yours.
i am indeed that confident. |
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| the beginning. |
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| 10:15pm 25/01/2004 |
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through a brilliant sentiment from a dear friend, i decided he was right (as usual) and have already begun taking action. though i am not sure why i am posting it in this journal, i will be sure to keep updates on how it is going if anyone is so interested. at this point, as i have just (though rapidly) started to scribble down the first draft, it is untitled.
( feedback is always welcome ) |
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| sometimes you got to mix it up. |
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| 05:01pm 18/01/2004 |
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You are "Waste of Paint". You can be a
very over analyzing person and you are sort of
lost. You aren't really sure where you're going
with your life but for now you hold some hope
that you will indeed get to where you are
going. Oh yeah, and that thing called
"love", you feel it's just a game of
chance. A game you are not good at.
Which BRIGHT EYES song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| 10:58am 05/01/2004 |
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why do i bleed more than anyone i know? not only that, but i bruise more easily too. which in essense is bleeding under the skin, is it not?
its snowing. i hate it.
my arm hurts. i hate it.
im tired. i hate that i cant find sleep.
look. three hates. im one negative nelly.
a-holes. |
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| 02:37pm 17/11/2003 |
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oh yeah...
im amazing. |
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| three thirty am. |
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| 09:23am 05/11/2003 |
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music: youre just somebody that i used to know.
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scribble it down
erase it all
dont let it out before
your thoughts are complete.
absent ideas mix so well
with that present bottle.
(pour me another).
she'll notice the way you walk
the way you walk
the way you walk
away.
youve left a bread trail.
sharp pieces of a broken heart
to follow you back to dream.
clear your throat.
no one noticed you choke
on that "i love you."
no one noticed you look down.
im just looking to see if you
notice the way i walk
the way i walk
the way i walk
away.
im breathing in these toxic seconds
wishing on a broken bread trail.
you can bring that bottle with you
down the path i layed.
you can tell me your absent idea.
i swear i'll keep it secret...
until i watch you walk
watch you walk
watch you walk
away. |
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| stopping at the green lights. |
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| 08:12am 27/10/2003 |
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fine lines bleeding out of cracked skin.
wrap it up before it destroys you.
familiar tunes to dance to.
but you sit static in your black cave,
running from no one elses shadows.
no one elses but your own.
and mine.
my garbage can is filling up rapidly
with dark bruises.
youve got to fill up to fall down.
youve got to fall down to hit bottom.
youve got to hit bottom to..
this tangled phone cord serves as the perfect noose.
do you have it in you?
break the cycle.
i will see it through for you.
through you.
wake up mid afternoon
and empty the dark bruises.
brush the fear out of our eyes.
pin it up with the magnets you stash in your pockets.
reel the next in and keep the passed near.
youve got to hit bottom to walk away. |
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| 05:43am 24/10/2003 |
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--
a mild attraction
sucks my liver dry.
a course of action
to ammend this drowning ailment alement
"youre the cutest girl i know."
ive got the crooked smile to prove it
and the pictures to enforce it.
youve got the flashy blue eyes that kill
and i got those pictures too.
i see you have other plans.
curling up at night alone
dreaming of long distance diseases.
it wont last.
ive been there.
brush it off roll it over fade back.
i swear i'll pretend
im not dying.
but im saving it for another broken day. |
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| im so glad that my memorys remote. |
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| 10:48am 22/10/2003 |
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you can do what you want to whenever you want to
you can do what you want to there's no one to stop you
now you can do what you want to wheverever you want to
do what you want to whenever you want to
do what you want to whenever you want to though it doesnt mean a thing,
big nothing. |
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brutal_sunrise's journal